Friday, December 28, 2012

Om Humbug

Its not that I don't love Christmas. Wait, that's not true, I Don't love Christmas. But it's not what you think. I love Baby Jesus, and festive decorations, and buying gifts and family and friends. What I don't love is the drama that ensues at this particular time of year. And by drama, I mean the way I tend to show up. If it were someone else's drama I could be a bystander and maybe even find some humor or learn a lesson. But it's all me. It's as if I am this level headed grown up adult until I pass over the state line into VA, and then I morph into a 16 year old smart mouth teenager again. And to make it even worse, my 16 year old alter ego has a little more ammunition now that she lives the majority of her life as a grown up Yoga Teacher. She doesn't miss an opportunity to let you know What Your Story Is or How you could benefit from Letting It Go. Can you imagine how irritating that must be?! My poor family! And its as if I'm out of control, I know its happening but I'm powerless against it. There's something about coming home again that brings out all the things in myself that I like the least. All the things I have worked so hard to change and overcome. And, granted, it doesn't help when my parents try to give me a curfew (hello! I'm 41!). I always return from the holidays feeling like I let myself down, again. And wondering if all this Yoga is really working, how could it be if I so easily fall back into old patterns? I recently read an article that spoke to this specific phenomenon, of how our families tend to bring out our "old" selves. And there was a lot of interesting stuff, like how its hard for our families to accept that we've grown up and become different people, and its actually comforting to them when we show up as our old teenager selves. (Hmmm, I
really liked this article!)  But here's what I'm thinking. Our old selves and reactions are always going to be just below the surface, no matter how enlightened we get. It doesn't mean my Yoga isn't working just because I can't keep my smart comments to myself for 5 whole days. I'm doing better than in past years so that's something, right?! And I need to practice what I preach, drop my expectations of how I think I'm supposed to be, and just be the best grown up/16 year old I can be....And apologize when necessary. But really, according to this article I read, I actually did my family a favor by showing up as my same old bratty self. I would hate to make them think I had outgrown being the family baby after all :)
Here's to your inner 16 year old!